while some days it pays to show up…well the best things in life are still free. as a mom there is no greater joy than tucking in my little one. checking on him one last time before bed, pulling the covers up and tucking them under his chin, brushing his hair back, listening to him dream. j sometimes laughs in his dreams. it’s truly the greatest sound. to hear his little laugh while he sleeps. it makes me feel like his life must really be worry free if he can laugh in his dreams. while during the day i remind him to pick his room up, help with little chores, mind his manners, listen the first time, and just generally harass him all day (i’m a mom it’s what we do) i do want him to be worry free. now that’s not responsibility free or free from minding. but kids should be allowed to be kids. when you get older you have enough worries for lots of lifetimes. childhood is one of the most precious gifts and i want j to enjoy it while he’s in it. sure, as he gets older he will slowly have more and more decisions to face, hard choices to make, responsibilities, and so on. and eventually he will probably worry about things. that’s life. that’s growing up. but for now he’s just a kid and i feel immensely blessed and grateful that i can give him peace for now.
being a mom was a surprise to me- in the way of how much i completely love it. being a mom was not something i was ever really sure i wanted. and then i got pregnant when we were in the “not trying not not trying” mode. and it was mind-blowing and life altering! immediately i was hooked. and in love and a total goner. and now fast forward several years and his little voice still gets to me. like when we hear mariah carey singing All I Want For Christmas Is You on the radio and I tell him that all I want is him and marv for Christmas. and he tells me, in his oh so sweet voice: me and marv don’t live in boxes for you can’t have us for Christmas. well you’re right kiddo, i can’t “have” you but as long as i’m with the two of you then life is as it should be. no presents needed.
and while i say this marv is back across the pond in germany. and oh how we miss him. and being in germany for the holidays. there is a Christmas song that perry como did (Home for the Holidays) that just makes me want to be strolling through downtown wiesbaden with the lights and Christmas cheer there. i definitely miss our Germany life and home. but mostly just being together as a family. thankfully on a little bit longer and then marv will be home…but in the meantime i’ll be dreaming of strolling with him and j through the market area with German Christmas music playing (i imagine this is just normal American songs if their other music was any indication!) and seeing the Christmas toys and decorations….”if you want to be happy in a million ways…you can’t beat home sweet home”….and thankfully i’ve grown up understanding that home wasn’t a specific place. its the people and memories….