mother’s day was a bomb this year for me. i mean an absolute bomb. my husband was in europe and was unable to celebrate with me (he did write a very sweet and beautiful email that i woke up to), my son was/is pushing the envelope on everything so it meant constant correcting- additionally my son spilled my free mimosa all over my skirt as he was pushing the bounds of his limits, testing, and retesting, we had macaroni and cheese for dinner (granted it was the bluebox so i cannot complain too much) as it was one of the few groceries we had left in our pantry and i had zero desire to visit the store, and the dog drove me nuts on an hourly basis. in short, i felt like i was a single mother again with no one to really acknowledge what i do for the family…and i’m pretty sure the beautiful rings on my left hand are indicative that i am no longer a single mother and might actually be appreciated….
now what did i imagine my mother’s day to look like? well, something more along the lines of this:
waking up to coffee in bed and my oh-so handsome husband smiling at me while holding a box of some bauble of sorts and flowers, my mild-mannered and well behaved child coming down to give me a kiss, tell me he loved me and handing me some beautiful homemade card he had worked on with his dad (stepdad technically i suppose) followed by some sort of sweet and savory small breakfast while we lounged on the couch or bed enjoying company. of course my husband would refill my coffee cup so it was never empty or cold (*note: he actually does this on an almost daily basis when he is in the home-yeah, i totally lucked out with this amazing man!). then we would get ready, throw on some clothes and would head to the local creperie (La Fontaine in Old Town Alexandria) and enjoy a wonderful breakfast and of course I would not have thing spilled on me nor would I have my four year old use me for a napkin- not once! Following this meal we would head home, take the dog on a stroll, watch the little one ride his bike up and down the lane and enjoy some time in what was a gorgeous day. That evening we would either walk up the street to find some dinner or my husband and son would make something together and I would sit there and listen to their chatter while catching up on a book I had not had the opportunity to read and enjoy the cool glass of wine brought to me….
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh…….this is the part where I admit I’m RE-DICULOUS. and being an adult can totally acknowledge how absurd my fantasies are. but hey- a girl has to dream right???!!!! so, while my day did definitely NOT turn out that way i spent my day alternating between being bummed that my husband was not there and chastising myself for already being so blessed in life and having the “poor, poor, pitiful me” syndrome. i am not catholic but i think my family could teach the catholics a thing or two on guilt. it is deeply imbedded in the women in my family to guilt their daughters and this chain seems to have continued for longer than i care to admit. so i can rationally sit there and know that i have nada, bubkiss, zero, zilch to complain about and yet i cannot keep myself from being bummed. of course even on skype it was apparent to my husband who asked me what was wrong. after being pressed i admitted that i just saw this day going very differently. and that i was very disappointed and felt let down. which in turnMeade my husband feel bad, which in turn made me feel worse….sigh!
so at the conclusion of my day when i opened a bud light (and i detest bud light and it was in fact in the fridge solely for a guest we had visit at one point) because we were out of my imports and tasty beers i made macaroni and cheese. and little j helped stir and add the cheese, mix the butter- and he was so happy and proud to help. once it was done we settled at the table, napkins in our laps, and started to eat dinner. we must have been hungry because we forgot to say grace and for a little while there was only silence. then i looked at him and said, “this is really good- you did a wonderful job in making this.” to which he looked up, smiled, and replied back, “i made it just for you mommy.” it is at that point that like the shutter on a camera everything clicked into place and my day is focused. this is what mother’s day is about, more importantly, this is what being a mother is about. the days are not perfect, the hours are unending, the work is a ton….but it all evens out in an instant with cheesy (literally) smile and a sweet expression of pure love.
so now i am going to sit the rest of my evening, drinking my cheap beer and watch my son race his cars all over the living room and smile and let the day go. he will be picking up his toys later, but for now he can have some fun and destroy the living room. i think i’m even going to get down and join him for a little bit…..
ps- to my husband, i am so sorry i was not happy and chipper this morning….ok, ok, or all day. i do love you very much and i am completely aware of how wonderful you are and all the little things you do on a daily basis. xoxo
burrbaby 